Ritesh's Blaagh(!) » Inane Banter http://www.ritesh.org The useless rants of a mad man. Tue, 30 Sep 2008 02:55:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 en hourly 1 Introducing The Pro-Myopia Movement http://www.ritesh.org/2007/09/05/introducing-the-pro-myopia-movement.rit http://www.ritesh.org/2007/09/05/introducing-the-pro-myopia-movement.rit#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2007 05:56:01 +0000 ritesh http://www.ritesh.org/2007/09/05/introducing-the-pro-myopia-movement.rit I think good vision is highly overrated. As someone who has had untreated myopia for over a year now, rather than getting new contacts or Lasik, I’ve decided to embrace my poor vision. But I don’t want to just stop there, I believe it’s my prerogative to make sure others come to see from my slightly short-sighted (teehee) perspective. So without further ado, I present to you my top 5 reasons to keep your bad vision.

  • People generally appear to be more attractive. Their wrinkles are smoothed out, blotchy complexion becomes even and smooth, and at great distances, even rolls of fat disappear. Ultimately, living in a world filled with more beautiful people makes us all happier as a result.
  • Anonymity. You can stare at someone from a distance for several minutes at a time. You don’t know if they’re staring back because the white of their eyes blend in with the iris. This gives you a great sense of (false) anonymity, and even if words such as “creep” are bandied around the school campus or the office, how can they blame you? You have a medical condition — myopia!
  • Bad memory is not a problem. When people whom you don’t remember wave at you, you can easily ignore them. If they’re important enough, they will eventually find out about your poor vision and understand why you did not wave back. Also, if you’re lucky enough, your vision will be so poor that you won’t even see them wave. This point leads us into the next reason to be Pro-Myopic.
  • Ignorance is bliss. Nobody wants to see roadkill in its gory detail, or notice while making an important speech that half of an audience is asleep. In a myopic world, horrible things like this don’t happen!
  • Solution for Unemployment and Good for the Economy. It is a proven fact that 60% of the unemployed workforce have 20/30 or better vision. Notwithstanding this made up statistic, it’s obvious that when many people start leaving their myopia untreated, those who can see clearly at a distance will be valued for their vision. Through some sort of economic serendipity, this may actually turn into new jobs. In fact, I propose a new profession called “Spotters”. These people who have not been blessed with poor vision will describe what they see to their myopic overlords.

Detailed list of Concerns and Resolutions:

  • But my vision is perfectly fine. You’d make a great spotter! BUT if for some reason you wish to move up the social pecking order, I would stress that you immediately start reading in poor lighting conditions and sit increasingly closer to the television each night.

In conclusion, I’m not saying that poor distance vision is right for everyone, but for those who are wearing glasses, contacts, or are considering Lasik/PRK, please consider for a moment the 5 major benefits to having myopia listed earlier. To be fair, you may also want to consider the one concern that I mentioned.

Happy Hunting!

Note: That’s just a colloquialism. Don’t take it seriously and go hunting because with vision like yours, even Dick Cheney would be a better shot.

]]> http://www.ritesh.org/2007/09/05/introducing-the-pro-myopia-movement.rit/feed 4 Life and Death http://www.ritesh.org/2007/01/13/life-and-death.rit http://www.ritesh.org/2007/01/13/life-and-death.rit#comments Sat, 13 Jan 2007 07:16:11 +0000 ritesh http://www.ritesh.org/2007/01/13/life-and-death.rit I was discussing with a friend (who shall remain nameless) the finer points of the afterlife, or lack thereof. He could not grasp the idea of nonexistence. It’s important to note that he is a staunch believer in heaven and hell and has never really thought “outside the box”. Our conversation went something like this:

Friend X> So you think when we die, it’s all just black?

Me> Do I?

Friend X> That’s what you just told me, that there’s nothing.

Me> It’s not black per-se. It’s nothingness. There is no void because there is no space. It is the complete absence of everything. Furthermore, there can be no observer of the nothingness (your psyche, god, etc), because simply observing the nothingness quantifies it in some manner and gives it substance.

Friend X> So it’s black, like space? So when you die, you’ll be floating in space?

Me> No, I will not be floating in space. I will not exist. I will “feel” the same way that I did before I was born.

Friend X> I don’t remember much before I was born.

Me> Much?

Friend X> I mean I’m sure I was in heaven, but God doesn’t let us know those things because it is beyond our comprehension.

Me> …?

Me> So those Rockets are doing well, even without Yao …

If you know who this conversation was with, keep your big mouth shut :-)

]]> http://www.ritesh.org/2007/01/13/life-and-death.rit/feed 1 My First Blaaagh Entry http://www.ritesh.org/2006/08/28/my-first-blaaagh-entry.rit http://www.ritesh.org/2006/08/28/my-first-blaaagh-entry.rit#comments Mon, 28 Aug 2006 07:11:33 +0000 ritesh http://www.ritesh.org/?p=3 What exactly is a Blaaagh? It’s made for people who hate blogs but are still pretentious enough to keep their own. It’s easy to pronounce. Just say it like “Blog” except elongate the ‘o’ as an ‘aww’ sound and then end with a heavily palatial ‘ghh’.

Anyway, welcome to my Blaaagh(!).

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