Ritesh’s Blaagh(!)

I think good vision is highly overrated. As someone who has had untreated myopia for over a year now, rather than getting new contacts or Lasik, I’ve decided to embrace my poor vision. But I don’t want to just stop there, I believe it’s my prerogative to make sure others come to see from my slightly short-sighted (teehee) perspective. So without further ado, I present to you my top 5 reasons to keep your bad vision.

• People generally appear to be more attractive. Their wrinkles are smoothed out, blotchy complexion becomes even and smooth, and at great distances, even rolls of fat disappear. Ultimately, living in a world filled with more beautiful people makes us all happier as a result.
• Anonymity. You can stare at someone from a distance for several minutes at a time. You don’t know if they’re staring back because the white of their eyes blend in with the iris. This gives you a great sense of (false) anonymity, and even if words such as “creep” are bandied around the school campus or the office, how can they blame you? You have a medical condition — myopia!
• Bad memory is not a problem. When people whom you don’t remember wave at you, you can easily ignore them. If they’re important enough, they will eventually find out about your poor vision and understand why you did not wave back. Also, if you’re lucky enough, your vision will be so poor that you won’t even see them wave. This point leads us into the next reason to be Pro-Myopic.
• Ignorance is bliss. Nobody wants to see roadkill in its gory detail, or notice while making an important speech that half of an audience is asleep. In a myopic world, horrible things like this don’t happen!
• Solution for Unemployment and Good for the Economy. It is a proven fact that 60% of the unemployed workforce have 20/30 or better vision. Notwithstanding this made up statistic, it’s obvious that when many people start leaving their myopia untreated, those who can see clearly at a distance will be valued for their vision. Through some sort of economic serendipity, this may actually turn into new jobs. In fact, I propose a new profession called “Spotters”. These people who have not been blessed with poor vision will describe what they see to their myopic overlords.

Detailed list of Concerns and Resolutions:

• But my vision is perfectly fine. You’d make a great spotter! BUT if for some reason you wish to move up the social pecking order, I would stress that you immediately start reading in poor lighting conditions and sit increasingly closer to the television each night.

In conclusion, I’m not saying that poor distance vision is right for everyone, but for those who are wearing glasses, contacts, or are considering Lasik/PRK, please consider for a moment the 5 major benefits to having myopia listed earlier. To be fair, you may also want to consider the one concern that I mentioned.

Happy Hunting!